Supporting your fertility journey with compassion and understanding
Last week, something happened and I felt compelled to write some words about it.
We lost our beloved cat Dora suddenly – run over by a car on the busy road near our house. We got Dora at the start of our fertility struggles, at a time when I desperately needed something to love and comfort. She became my shadow, and losing her so unexpectedly has left me bereft.
A few days later, whilst out running through the grounds of Ripon Cathedral, I stopped dead in my tracks. There, sitting on a gravestone, was a black and white cat who was the spitting image of Dora. The cat came straight to me, settled down as I sat on the grass, and let me stroke them.
For a wild moment, I wondered if the vets had got it wrong. Then reality hit – the small markings by their nose were different. This wasn’t Dora.
Now, if I were to ask a statistician, they’d tell me there are 11-12 million cats in the UK, 70% of which are black and white. In a small city surrounded by residential houses, seeing a similar cat isn’t unusual at all.
Yet I can’t help but wonder if it was a sign. If somehow, Dora came to visit me.
Why am I telling you this?
Because right now, as you navigate your fertility journey, there are probably things you do that bring you incredible comfort – even if they don’t make complete logical sense.
Maybe you:
- Put your legs in the air after intercourse
- Drink pomegranate juice religiously
- Time intimacy with the moon phases
- Practice specific fertility yoga poses
- Have your tarot cards read
- Carry crystals in your pocket
- Follow particular rituals before embryo transfer
If I’m being honest, some of these might not make the hugest medical difference. But, who cares if it makes complete sense?
Finding comfort during your fertility journey
During my work as a fertility counsellor, I’ve watched women apologise for the things that bring them peace. I’ve seen clients feel embarrassed about their “silly” rituals or defensive about their comfort practices during their journey.
I remember feeling that way too. I wondered if others would judge me for the small rituals that helped me feel like I had some control in the fertility journey chaos.
This is my view (for what it’s worth)…if it helps you by lessening even a fraction of the pain of not having the baby you desperately yearn for, then it’s important. Full stop.
Your journey is hard enough without having to justify every source of comfort you find along the way.
The emotional weight of infertility treatment
You’re already managing so much during your infertility journey. The medical appointments, the hormone injections, the financial strain, the emotional rollercoaster of hope and disappointment. You’re fielding questions about when you’re having children while putting on a brave face at baby showers. You’re researching supplements and tracking ovulation and trying to optimise every aspect of your life.
The last thing you need during your fertility journey is to feel ashamed about the small things that bring you peace.
Whether it’s lighting a candle before each cycle, wearing a particular necklace to appointments, or yes – believing that a cat in a graveyard might be a sign – these rituals matter because they matter to YOU.
Fertility support: Your comfort is valid
Comfort isn’t always tangible and measurable when you’re navigating infertility. Sometimes it’s about feeling less alone in the process. Sometimes it’s about creating meaning in moments that feel meaningless. Sometimes it’s simply about honouring your need for hope in whatever form it takes.
You are not required to be purely rational about everything. You are not required to only do things that have peer-reviewed studies behind them. You’re allowed to be human, to seek comfort, to create meaning in your own way.
Moving forward with self-compassion on your fertility journey
As you continue on this path, whether you’re just starting to try to conceive or deep into fertility treatment, such as IVF, I want you to give yourself permission to find comfort wherever you can – without explanation, without justification, without embarrassment.
Trust your instincts about what feels supportive during your infertility journey. Honour the rituals that bring you peace. Embrace the small signs of hope, even if they seem silly to others.
Your fertility journey is uniquely yours. The things that comfort you don’t need to make sense to anyone else.
And if someone questions your choices? Remember that their lack of understanding says more about their experience than it does about the validity of your comfort.
You’re already being incredibly brave. You don’t need to be perfectly logical too.
With understanding,
Gemma
If you’re struggling with the emotional weight of your fertility journey and need someone who truly understands, I’m here. As someone who has walked this path and now supports women through it professionally as a fertility counsellor, I know how isolating this experience can feel. You don’t have to navigate your infertility journey alone. I offer a free 15-minute consultation call where we can discuss your specific situation and how I might be able to help. You can book this through my website or send me a message.